Manchester United vs Arsenal: Does it matter anymore?

It’s United and Arsenal again! Another modern twist on a historical, sometimes hysterical ancient tale. They walk in the footsteps of Keane and Keown, Vieira and Van Nistelrooy…

As Peter Drury waxed lyrical about the age-old rivalry that shaped the Premier League, one couldn’t help but remember the trailer of the 2013 Robert De Niro-Sylvester Stallone starrer Grudge Match. The teaser got us excited about a potential Rocky versus Jake LaMotta dream match-up but we all know how that story went.

Drab. Dull. Had its moments but overall, blah!

Sounds every bit like the game we saw at Old Trafford on Monday night, doesn’t it? It had all the ingredients — the history, the premise, an exciting cast, a chance to close the gap on Manchester City. But just as the film went out without a whimper, thanks to a wafer-thin storyline, the game too struggled to live up to its billing because of two managers who’re still trying to find their bearings.

Let’s talk about Manchester United first. They looked every bit like Robert De Niro’s laboured portrayal of Billy ‘The Kid’ — living in the past and too proud to admit their struggles. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer – who has strangely turned into a sad Andy Serkis doppelganger – has no firepower at his disposal. On a rainy Manchester night, Solskjaer put up a brave face and threw in a taped-up Marcus Rashford and Paul – ‘God knows when will he come good’ – Pogba to spice up the contest. But his United side lacks substance. They don’t have the characters who overwhelmed the opposition. They don’t have the hard-working Nevilles and they definitely don’t possess the incredible talent of the Beckhams and Rooneys anymore.

Arsenal, on the other hand, played Stallone’s Henry ‘Razor’ Sharp perfectly. The Gunners have been the perennial challengers who’re always out for a rematch because they have a few grudges to settle. But somehow they always find a way to mess it up. This time, however, they drew the better hand. In Pepe, Aubameyang, and Saka, they had the ammunition to avenge the past. But to support Rocky, you need a Mick and Unai Emery is far from being a maverick. As usual, he filled his side with too many Paulies, kept Duke on the bench and left his Apollo Creed back in North London. So Aubameyang did his best to land the punches but, in the absence of Alexandre Lacazette, never found a platform to scream out ‘Yo Adrian’.

The game had its moments though. David De Gea played his ‘let’s deny Arsenal a win’ act perfectly while Scott McTominay’s bullet will be ringing around Old Trafford for some time to come. For Arsenal, Saka is what the fans aspire Nico Pepe to become and David Luiz not making a mistake is a win on any given Monday!

In the end, neither team had the quality nor the drive to take centre stage and deliver a blockbuster. The fans might live in denial but the reality is when you see Ashley Young and Granit Xhaka try to enact the infamous Vieira-Keane in-your-face action, it evokes more laughter rather than sending a chill down your spine. But quality aside, shouldn’t a Manchester United-Arsenal game have more needle to it? Shouldn’t it be more of a lawless street fight rather than a sparring contest? No one is asking for a Keown-Nistelrooy fiasco (God no!) but is a pizza-slinging Fabregas or a shithousing Rio Ferdinand too much to ask for?

Maybe it is. Maybe it is this is what this rivalry has become — a boring game where a point-a-piece seems a fair deal. Maybe it is time to finally accept that these two teams are not even pretenders. Manchester United and Arsenal are two old, beaten up, out-of-shape rivals who now just add up the numbers.

But then again…Certain athletes are born enemies. Bird and Magic. Ali and Frazier. Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. But the fiercest rivalry was between…